on starting early



That we didn’t plan a honeymoon budget but had a setting-up-a-home budget in place must give the idea of the kind of life we started with. We got married on a Sunday and a week later stood at the Sunday bazaar with half a mile long shopping list. Items included the likes of mops, brooms, flour, sugar, jars, bins, buckets.. the works.

UTP was once christened “mushkil aadmi” (difficult man) by a bunch of his friends for finding the most inconvenient and difficult ways of doing even simple things! So yes, keeping true to his nick and convincing me this was indeed the way to go we started on an action packed adventure down a (very) bumpy road! It was a life we very willingly opted for.
(Oh and just for the record, if this is making it sound like the two of us eloped and started a life straight out those Indian soaps.. naaah! our wedding was one of those very proper parental consented, parental financed, blessed-by-the-family types.)

The dude was 23 years of age, barely two years out of grad school and still had a while to make it to the list of “well settled eligible bachelors” by social standards. We were in a hurry it seemed, for everything – for wanting to get married, running a house, managing finances, paying the bills and starting a family. People get married hoping to grow old together.. we? well we figured we wanted to grow up together too :D

I firmly believe there is no fixed recipe for a *happily ever after*, no right age or wrong age to step into practical life; something might work for one but not for another but looking back, both of us know we’d not want anything to change if we get a chance to rewind these 5 years..

Agreed there were huge sacrifices to be made along the way – UTP missed out on his carefree bachelor years, had to reschedule and delay his plans for studying further. I felt cheated out of all the dreams of a filmy blissful life featuring “just the two of us together” as I jumped head on into the endless feed-burp-poop-sleep cycle even before I was done savoring the heady *just married* status! I’d see my peers building careers, pursuing dreams and would think I’m no less capable of going places myself. I’d almost resent not doing justice to the talents and capabilities God gifted me with.
I had no clue that just a few years down the line everything would fall into place and all the sacrifices would seem so worthwhile. We are still quite young and have time to get back to our dreams of studying further, UTP is Mashallah making his move up the corporate structure and I see him going places :) Me, I managed to keep my creative side alive, build on my portfolio and stay in touch with a career path which I can always take up from a freelance WAHM status to a full time job as soon as circumstances permit. I am glad we took up the ever so challenging task of producing and raising babies at an age we are still energetic, patient and young. I am sure it doesn’t get easy with the years. The little one is such a joy to raise and is turning into one of those tiny divas ready to outsmart you at every little opportunity.. As for that honeymoon which never happened; we can always send the kids packing to the grandparents and go while we’re still feeling young at heart and honeymoonish, yeah?!

In the close to 5 years of being together, UTP and I, we've started our lives from scratch not once but twice. The best part in starting from absolutely nothing is one learns to cherish and be thankful even for the littlest of good stuff happening that you never imagined would ever matter this way.
I remember the first winters after we got married, that we got the geyser fixed and functional at our apartment before the baby came along was a cause for celebration! I remember how changing the setting around the bedroom to accommodate a bedroom TV and bedside lamps suddenly made it feel like we were in a whole new world.. I remember one of the first supermarket trips when we acted like we had just stepped out of elementary school.. most of the trolley was loaded with nothing but junk – candies, chocolates, microwave popcorns and Pringles :D
I remember how moving to the UAE seemed like a bitter-sweet opportunity – moving on to something better but leaving behind what we had very lovingly put together bit by bit.. how we started off here with a one-room setup which still felt like the best place on earth that we could call home.. moved on to a bigger and better place to be completely thrilled that it actually had a nice functional kitchen!
We just moved to another new apartment a few months back and I have been on cloud 9 just to see the way the sun filters in through the huge windows into every room! The house is gorgeously bright and sunny Alhamdulillah and I am going crazy with ideas for making sun catchers and placing potted plants and colored glass bottles on the windowsills!

Go ahead, think it’s crazy the way we went ahead and made life difficult for ourselves by not waiting to settle down first but this is who we are – your Mr. & Mrs. Mushkil Aadmi – two adventurers on a journey called life, wanting to brave it all before living it up because life, well life is too short to wait :) is it not?!

My Satisfaction - My Vanity

Its been an amazing revelation for me to realize that I have become a workaholic. This is also considering the bum that I have been all of my life. Maybe and hopefully its a temporary thing with the family visiting Pakiland while I being in Dubai. I have been spending long hours at work and coming home only to sleep.

The worst thing about this is that even on weekends, I wake up pretty early and can't seem to sleep longer even if I force myself. The following is inspired from another one of those early mornings when my family was here.

There have been many regular weekend mornings in the recent past when I wake up early. In watching those closed eyes with the eyeballs rolling under the eyelids, I have found my favorite past-time for weekend mornings. Just lying there watching the eyeballs moving left to right and waiting for that smile to creep in.

When that smile does linger in, I'd feel like I was one of the luckiest people in the world.

Then turning over and seeing another little piece of my heart with legs curled up, one hand under the cheek, the other on my chest. Same story, little eyeballs rolling under smaller eyelids and the occasional smile.

I further realized that I was not one but pretty much the most lucky person in the world. Other than O of course.

For me, seeing those smiles on my family's face is a feeling of content. For the bread-earner of the house, there is nothing more satisfying than seeing the dependents having a peaceful night's sleep. It spells out the job well done in provision of food, shelter and clothing. It spells out a fulfillment of responsibilities. It spells out the feeling of content that they have from me and my efforts.

Marriage and Fatherhood and for that matter any relationship is a two-way affair. We all seek contentment in what we do. We seek acknowledgment. We seek satisfaction.

The life we live is not worth living if there is no inspiration. One of the best inspirations could be people who depend on you. If its working two-way then you are bound to succeed. You are being inspired by them and they are being inspired by you.

I am proud of mayG, my wife. How many guys out there can go around in a crowd and boast about their wife? I can and I do. I am so proud that I am Vain.

My Vanity is my Satisfaction.

Musical Madness 2.0

mayG and I have been wannabe musical maestros in our own senses. We consider ourselves more than the average "bay-sura" (somebody who sing out of tune) and find ourselves singing casual duets unconsciously all over the house at random times. She might we working on her laptop humming a tune with the follow-up lines continuing from across another room from my side.

This would of course would make us unconsciously very content, just with the thought of being bonded even in the world of music. The funny part is that we share a huge common music vocabulary as well. Not that we have a 100% commonality, that would be too perfect, there are some tunes that mayG brings up which I have no clue about it. This is usually from the "farangi" (English) genre.

I am not sure if I have some which mayG doesn't know. If they are then they would be probably from the Qawwali or Sufi domain. This was all well and good until recently when the little one joined in as well -

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new genre in the house - Barney. Dora. Nursery Rhymes. Kid Songs... sigh..

She has figured that this is another way to get involved. So once in a while, out comes a tune at the top of her voice, expecting everybody else to follow-up on the lines. This would seem cute to most readers and it doesn't seem like a big deal - Parents should after all appreciate and encourage such acts of confidence by the child...

Well, let me tell you that you forget one small aspect of toddler tunes - they are always and always sung with actions! You can't get away with a casual hum, fade it out in the background and switch back to your own music quickly. You have to do all the hands up high and touch the toes and look left and right and do the boogie-woogie stuff.

As she has grown older, she has picked up on all the cheapoo bollywood tunes that *the mom* is such a big fan of. So we see the little one joining in even on the most difficult to remember and hum-along tunes.

The three year old has all the desi girls, rock ons and dance pe chance types learnt to perfection and for the others where the lyrics are kinda tricky, well who cares! its all about being involved, for that we have mastered the art of lalala-ing and hmmhmmhmm-ing along! One doesn't need to know ALL the words, right?

We have of course noticed this and trying to revert this concept of bonding to something more constructive. That same energy is being directed to Religious Rhymes (Yusuf Islam). But its a long way back from where we have come.

I wrote this post after this just happened.. funny scenario - picture 3 different songs being sung at the top of the voices by 3 different people (2 adults, 1 child) trying to suggest that their song is the best and everybody should sing that now! Check out the selections -

mayG - "Kya Soorat hay... Kya Soorat hay... (Bombay Vikings)"
UTP - "Kuch larkiyan ... Chaierin Mujhay... (Sajjad Ali)"
Little one - "Baba kee Rani Hoon... (Hindi Movie)"

Love-Struck Bakra!


I’ve already cribbed enough about how romance seems to have taken a backseat in our lives.. add to that the Mr.’s ultra demanding job, staying back late at work, exam preps (he is sitting for another exam YET AGAIN urgh!), working weekends and this newfound addiction to Texas Holdem Poker and we are left with no time or opportunity for “romance” unless of course if cheesy facebook “pokes” count :P

It’s a no-brainer that I quit hoping for those random acts of TLC that would sweep me off my feet.. but I still like to think I’m this love struck teenager at heart and hey I still believe in miracles ;)

So one early morning of what was technically a weekend, I saw him off to his exam review class. This is when I was a little unwell and he had set the breakfast table for me before he left so I wouldn’t have to run back and forth from the kitchen.. just as I was heading back to bed I notice this envelope tucked under the cereal box right in front of my dining chair. It read “SURPRISE” in bright bold letters and a line underneath that said I wasn’t supposed to open it until told so!

I almost shuddered in excitement, eyes bright and wide forgetting how sleepy I was moments ago, the hugest grin flashing across my face as my mind raced from massage appointment to movie tickets and mushy poetry just like old times.. sigh.. I can’t believe I used the “old times” word like we are pair of 60 year olds living retirement life after the kids have gone their own ways!

Anyway back to the envelope, I was sorely tempted to tear it open that instant but stopped myself thinking I should give him the chance and not spoil the surprise now that we are graduating from facebook pokes to surprise envelopes! I did try to read through the closed envelope with no luck :P it didn’t say don’t try to read through the envelope did it?

I forced myself to fall back to sleep thinking about the surprise that was in store and hoping to be woken up by his call or sms telling me to go ahead claim the goodies.. but that never happened.. I woke up a few hours later and decided I couldn’t take the suspense anymore.. texted him in between the class telling him how thrilled I was about the surprise and couldn’t wait to open it!

by the time I was done with my bowl of cereal I had decided I was going to open it anyway.. a part of me had been nagging me that it was far too unreal to be expected of UTP and it had to be something else :P then I noticed the surprise word was written with a girly PINK pen!! muahahhahaha!! no way in hell was this something the dude would do! did he even know they have pink pens now?!
hey did a girl try to get fresh with MY hubby?! And I decided to dump that thought right away- no girl on this planet could be half as stupid as me ;)

So I went ahead and opened the envelope that said it shouldn’t be opened before requested to do so.. and sure enough, inside was a “pay it forward” kindness card asking one to smile and was a prop used by one of his teammates at the toastmasters public speaking clubs in her speech, it had just slipped out of his bag when he was hurriedly sorting out his books to leave for the class..


I smiled, not because the smile card asked me to; I sheepishly smiled for realizing it was my MTV Bakra moment of the day, for realizing that UTP will be calling any minute and laughing his head off, I smiled because I had something to recall and laugh about years from now and then I smiled some more..

I smiled for realizing that romance had not taken a backseat in our lives, it simply manifested itself in other ways.. things like his setting the breakfast table for me before leaving so it would save a sick me couple of trips to the kitchen and back, things like reaching out and hanging the laundry on the washing line because I am a wee bit short to reach it comfortably, of loading the fridge with cans of my favorite orange juice of saying dinner was yummy even if its plain daal on menu.. oh well guess I’ll be happy with all that and the random facebook pokes.. no surprise spa days and mushy poetry for this girl in this lifetime!